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"New England Patriots Ultimate Fan Roadtrip" |
Application |
| Thank you for your interest in becoming a member of the New England Patriots Ultimate Fan Roadtrip. Due to an unprecedented volume of requests, we are currently only accepting applications from individuals that are certified New England Patriot fans. |
| Applications will be considered on a first come, first served basis, and finalists will be determined and notified in late spring. We expect the number of applications to increase significantly due to the overwhelming success of this annual event. Multiple entries will not be accepted and will, in fact, only serve to annoy the Veterans Committee. |
| Please take a few moments to fill out the application below to help us to know you better. Age, gender, employment status and other social indicators will, most assuredly, be a factor in the decision. Therefore, be sure to complete all sections. |
| Thank you again for your interest in the New England Patriots Ultimate Fan Roadtrip. |
| Enter name and address (Please print): |
| _______________________________________________________________________ |
| Last First MI |
| _____________________________________________________________________ |
| # - Street |
| _____________________________________________________________________ |
| City State Zip |
| Age: ______ Gender (circle one): M F Other |
| Sexual orientation: _______________ Bank Account #: _________________ |
| Jersey #: ___________ Marital Status: _____________ ** |
| ** Marital status is subject to change based on circumstances beyond the control of the Veterans Committee or any other New England Patriots Ultimate Fan Roadtrip participants. The Veterans Committee and the New England Patriots Ultimate Fan Roadtrip will not be responsible for issues arising from events that may or may not take place during the New England Patriots Ultimate Fan Roadtrip including but not limited to, arguments, broken dishes, frying pans to the head and/or divorce. |
| ___________________________________________________________________________________________ |
| Please answer all questions truthfully and completely. Failure to disclose information could result in the disqualification of your application and subsequent banning from any future events as well as possible legal action. |
| 1. How long have you been a New England Patriots Fan? |
| [ ] Born and Bred since childhood. |
| [ ] Since January, 21, 1994 (A "Krafty" day indeed). |
| [ ] Since February, 3rd, 2002. |
| [ ] Since 4/21/02 (Requires the discarding of any #11 Jerseys.) |
| [ ] This is my first season but I really think they’re kinda neat. |
| 2. Please indicate if you can identify the following: (Check all that apply.) |
| [ ] The Boston Patriots |
| [ ] Gino Cappelletti |
| [ ] The Tuck Rule |
| [ ] Schaefer Stadium |
| [ ] Berry the Bears |
| [ ] Squish the Fish |
| [ ] Mark Henderson |
| [ ] Nasal Flush |
| [ ] Pure Platinum |
| [ ] Gillette West |
| [ ] Victor Kiam |
| [ ] Tuna |
| [ ] Squib kick |
| [ ] Hart Lee Dykes |
| [ ] Dead Guy Stadium |
| [ ] The Yellow Submarine |
| [ ] Mo Lewis |
| [ ] Cut That Meat |
| [ ] Eugene Chung |
| [ ] The "Downer" |
| 3. If accepted, what will be the slanderous remarks you will shout in Buffalo? (Check all that apply.) |
| [ ] "Balls Deep!" |
| [ ] "Let's Go Sabres!" |
| [ ] "This is like another Home game!" |
| [ ] "Boy I Love to Lose Superbowls!" |
| [ ] "Wide Right!" |
| [ ] "Just Pathetic!" |
| [ ] "Not in our House!" |
| [ ] "It must suck being a Bills fan." |
| [ ] "Ok, old man." |
| [ ] "Let's go, Buffalo!" |
| 4. Do you suffer from any of the following: (Check all that apply.) |
| [ ] E.D. [ ] Limited ATM availability |
| [ ] Bad breath [ ] Constant lateness |
| [ ] IBS [ ] Vomiting on people |
| [ ] Depression [ ] Penchant for picking up shady people |
| [ ] Blatant stupidity |
| 5. Are you offended by two women getting to know each other intimately? |
| [ ] Yes |
| [ ] No |
| 6. Do you enjoy Billy Joel and/or Howard Johnson's? |
| [ ] Yes |
| [ ] No |
| 7. What do you most remember Doug Flutie for? |
| [ ] The Hail Mary |
| [ ] The Drop Kick |
| [ ] Flutie Flakes |
| 8. Name the artist of the following songs: |
| a) "Beautiful Day": _____________________________________ |
| b) "For Those About to Rock": ____________________________ |
| c) "Super Bowl Shuffle": _________________________________ |
| d) "Hells Bells": ________________________________________ |
| e) "Welcome to the Jungle": ______________________________ |
| f) "Africa": ____________________________________________ |
| 9. Who wants to play? (Circle the correct answer.) |
| a) I do |
| b) Kevin O'Connell |
| c) The King |
| d) Balls Deep |
| e) Pete Rose |
| 10. Tell the Veterans Committee what you will bring to the trip in exactly 10 words. (There is no right or wrong answer. This is simply a test of your counting ability.) |
| ___________________________________________________________________________________________ |
| I hereby submit my application. I attest that everything has been answered truthfully and completely, |
| on this _______ day of _____________________, 20___. |
| ____________________________________ |
| (Signed) |
| Once you have completed and signed this form, forward it to a member of the Veterans Committee. There is no application fee. However, money, beer and other tradeables will be accepted to "ensure" your application is not lost, stolen, spindled or mutilated. After reviewing your application, the Veterans Committee will contact you with notification of acceptance or rejection. |
| If accepted, you will receive… |
| …a detailed checklist of what to bring, including the gas grill adapter. |
| …a crash course in border crossing. |
| …a complimentary "Nasal Flush". |
| …a weekend supply of $2 bills. |
| …an opportunity to ride P.N.V. Short Bus. |
| …a constant but overly pleasurable heckling from Buffalo fans as we exit victorious. |
| …an unequaled opportunity to make an 8 hour van ride completely hung over. |
| …the amazing chance to meet Wendy and dine at the Victoria Café. |
| …a weekend of fun that you will be hard-pressed to find anywhere. |
| If rejected, you will receive… |
| …hours upon hours of countless stories from Buffalo and north of the border, all of which will surely drive you slowly insane. You will also receive numerous opportunities to view photographs of prior trips that will only cause more jealousy and an insatiable desire to choke someone. Finally, you will receive a handwritten note from the Veterans Committee saying "HA HA HA! Maybe next year!" |
| ___________________________________________________________________________________________ |
| This page to be completed by the Veterans Committee only. If you write anything below this line you will only show how stupid you really are. |
| [ ] Approved |
| [ ] Declined |
| [ ] Waiting List |
| Veterans Committee Signatures: |
| ____________________________________ |
| Stephen P. "Esteban" Beaudet (aka Frenchy) |
| ____________________________________ |
| Bruce S. MacInnes |
| ____________________________________ |
| William C. Murphy |
| ____________________________________ |
| J. Chris Vincuilla (aka Sasquatch) |
